she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
