I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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