so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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