apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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