Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
