i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
