You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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