So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
