grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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