8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
