So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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