i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
