just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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