i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
