I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
