Whod you bang
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
