dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
