ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
