If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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