I just threw up on my dentist
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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