white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
