I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my poor anus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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