...so i touched it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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