Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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