My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
