Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
