just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
