His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
