i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
