if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
