if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
