my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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