I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
