lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize