My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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