I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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