Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
