nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
