I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize