i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
