Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im part way to drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
