You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
