I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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