I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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