...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
