Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
