There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found the puke drawer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
