How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize