this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize