im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
