Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
