i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
