I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
