My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
