with your own penis?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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