let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
