All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
