on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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