the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
