my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
