I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The uberlube is also flammable
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
