i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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