GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
