If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
