I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
