I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
