I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
