running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
