Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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