it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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