I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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