So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
