So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
