I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
